Fiction｜Paradigms of Choice
a short story
Hello,
This is a very short story about the process of elections and how we can improve it. It is written for the Soaring Twenties Social Club (STSC) Symposium. This month’s theme is “E_ection Special”, so it all fits together. Many thanks to
and for beta-reading.
Paradigms of Choice
minutes of the Inter-Galactic Conference “DEMOCRACY IN THE GALAXY AND WITHIN US”, partially recovered and deciphered from an ADR found on the wreck of a space station on the orbit of Arcturus
[applause]
Panel Moderator:
Please welcome your next speaker, Ultramarine Bob, from the planet Xelvorune.
[protracted, slightly wet applause]
Ultramarine Bob:
Precious delegates! Thank you for the opportunity to present in this esteemed forum of multiculturalism and equity. Our democracy experts on Xelvorune (I am legally obliged to say, not to be confused with Xelvorune™, the anti-lichen ointment), have proposed a plan to save our galactic democracy. As you know, it is in deep crisis: a crisis of faith and a crisis of interest. Our numbers are dwindling, my beloved siblings in democracy, and we propose to evoke the techniques of entertainment to save us.
As we all know, democracy is a hallowed and mythical tradition, passed to us from our forefathers from planet Earth (in other translations, ‘Dirt’). We would not presume to modernize it; however, our crypto-historians have found another widespread Earthians’/Dirtians’ tradition called Eurovision, an exceptionally popular event enjoyed by both young and old. We propose to combine the two legendary events, thus saving democracy once and for all.
As before, the candidates would register and run their campaigns, but the main event, the election night, will be featuring a bombastic gala, where all the candidates would present their true views and beliefs in an intricately choreographed and lavish sing-and-dance routine.
The voters/viewers at home then would cast their votes via radio, cellphones, Skype, telepathy, ansibles, NOACH, cyborg homing pidgeons or just SMS. Each individual vote would cost 0.99 euros (including any VAT or sales tax), or the nearest equivalent in seashells or slaveforms. […]
Panel Moderator:
Your next speaker is 5C9DBEB from the planet Morravith.
[muted, brief applause]
5C9DBEB:
Delegates. Our assessment is that democracy is in crisis. The crisis is that of engagement. Our algorithms have determined that the most readily engaging stimulus is not affection or reason but hate. We therefore propose to change the modern election format.
As before, the candidates would register and run their campaigns, but instead of casting their vote for candidates, the balloters would forcibly strike out the name(s) of the candidate(s) they hate the most.
We calculate that this change alone would increase voter engagement by 21%. When taking into account the adaptation of candidates’ campaigns for the Hateful Voting System (HVS, trademark pending), we project the engagement to increase by 119%.
An even further optimization of the voting system, dubbed THVS, for Terminal Hateful Voting System, would include a violent and graphic execution of the candidate with the majority of hatevotes. In this case, predicted engagement rises by more than 281% […]
Panel Moderator:
The next speaker is ΞϘ-𐡀 from the planet Qathora.
[syncopated applause]
ΞϘ-𐡀:
Dear colleagues, I believe we all agree that the democracy is in crisis, and the crisis is that of disappointment. Indeed, even in a trivial case with only two candidates and the votes split 51-49 between them, there is a whole 49 percent of voters whose voice will be, essentially, ignored. In the case of more than two candidates, their number may easily exceed half the population, especially in tight races.
We therefore propose a concept developed by our physicists together with election engineers and fruit machine artisans. We dubbed this approach “Quantum Democracy”. As before, the candidates would register and run their campaigns, and the voters will vote according to their preferences. However, after all the votes are accounted for, the quantum step begins, and the winner is chosen probabilistically, in accordance with the percentage of the votes they get. So, for example, a candidate that got 49% of the votes will have a 49% chance of becoming the winner.
Therefore, even a candidate with only a singular vote cast for them would have a chance of becoming elected, therefore transforming voter’s disappointment into hope and gamer’s passion. After all, games of chance are still significantly more popular throughout the galaxy, and even participants who eventually lose (i.e., all the participants) get away from the gaming table with a desire to return to it. […]
Panel Moderator:
Thank you, ΞϘ-𐡀. The next speaker is Tilden Hayes from the planet Velkarithis.
[explosive applause]
Tilden Hayes:
Esteemed friends and democracy lovers! I vehemently agree with previous speakers. We all know democracy is in crisis, and it is a crisis of fairness. Why does the losing candidate get to lose? Didn’t they try their best? Didn’t they spend innumerable funds? Didn’t they accrue the support of at least part of the population? All these wrongs can be righted using our innovative approach called Mutademocracy.
As you might know, Velkarithis is famous for its genetic prowess. Our Wizards of the Helix and Sorcerers of the Rybosome can concoct even the most bizarre genetic combinations and—forgive me this measly pun—recombinations. Their wondrous advances in this most natural of sciences led us to this simple contraption.
Mutademocracy works as follows. As before, the candidates would register and run their campaigns, and the voters will vote according to their preferences. After all the votes have been calculated, all the candidates are inserted into this device. The Galactic Democrator recombines their DNA in accordance with the percentage of the votes received. Ultimate fairness is achieved.
Of course, we have foreseen a possible critique. What if, might you ask, as a product of the DNA recombination, a resulting mutant would be a mindless, unnatural abomination, a pile of flesh incapable of thought, feeling, or action? This is, alas, a distinct possibility.
But, esteemed delegates, put your tentacles on your goo pumps and answer me honestly: is this worse than what we have now? […]
[Sounds of the space station being attacked and annihilated by nuclear torpedoes of a Drakzull dreadnought-class starship. Millions of voices scream in terror, coalescing into a single multicultural agonizing cry.]
This short story was written for the Soaring Twenties Social Club (STSC) Symposium. The STSC is a small, exclusive online speakeasy where a dauntless band of raconteurs, writers, artists, philosophers, flaneurs, musicians, idlers, and bohemians share ideas and companionship. Each month, STSC members share something around a set theme. This cycle, the theme was “The E_ection Special”.
If you are a writer, you might consider joining us.
Best,
Ꙝ
Brilliant piece. Perhaps we have been living in a 'Mutademocracy' for some time, and are thus already seeing its feared side effect manifesting in our politicians. Thank goodness this is only fiction... ;-)
I am glad that Soaring Twenties Club exists. Is it as V. Ivanov's Tower in 1920es of Petersburg?Костя, You are becoming American Saltykov- Schedrin in my олд eyes. Bravo!