24 More Tales of Hodja Nasreddin

anywhere, just not inside the coffin

Hello,

Many Greek towns are said to quarrel about being the birthplace of Homer. Analogously, several US states claim to be home to Springfield from “The Simpsons” (which was, of course, spoofed by the Simpsons themselves).

In preparation for my previous letter, I re-read another wonderful book called “Twenty Four Nasreddins”. It is a compilation of short Nasreddin stories by M. S. Kharitonov, published in Russian in 1986. It contains no less than 1238 short Nasreddin tales from 24 different nations, and in the afterword, the compiler writes that in fact a better title would be “More Than Thirty Nasreddins”, because since the book was sent to print, he found several more stories from several other Eastern countries. Somehow, however, they all live peacefully under one book cover.

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Here, I decided to translate several tales into English and share them with you. Some might be famous, some might be obscure, but these are the ones I liked. Some of them are silly, some are wise, and some are recipes for life, and still as relevant today as they were then.

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They say Hodja would buy a liver for himself at the market every day.

"Can't you afford something more refined to eat?" someone asked him.

"I want to become a liver-man," replied Nasreddin, "humble and unpretentious."

a Turkish tale

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Ependi lost his ring somewhere at home. He couldn't find it anywhere, so he started looking on the street. A neighbor asked him what he was looking for, and, hearing that Ependi had lost the ring at home, said:

"Ependi, why aren't you looking for the ring at home?"

Ependi replied:

"It's dark inside, that's why I'm looking for it on the street!"

a Turkmenian tale

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Once, Timur gave Molla some peaches and said:

"Take them and bring them to my room."

Molla took the peaches to the cemetery and placed them in the tomb. Timur returned home, but no matter how hard he looked, he couldn't find the peaches.

Angrily, he called Molla:

"Molla, where are the peaches?"

"My Lord!" replied Molla. "I did as you said, I brought the peaches to your room."

"Where are they then? I looked for them and couldn't find them. Where did you put them?"

"But, my liege? But it's not your room. I placed them in your real room."

"What are you saying?" Timur was astonished. "So, this is not my room? Where is my room?"

Molla stood up and said:

"Come, I'll show you."

And he led Timur to the cemetery to the tomb:

"Look, here is your real room. In the palace, you are only a guest!"

an Azerbaijani tale

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The Bukhara Emir asked Efendi:

"What do you think, who is stronger: me or the Afghan Padishah?"

Efendi replied:

"If we are talking about who can lift a heavier load, then my donkey is stronger than both of you. He can carry one measure, while neither of you can even lift half of it. And if we are talking about resistance to an enemy, then a peasant is stronger than both of you because if a peasant does not produce bread, both you and the Afghan Padishah will die of hunger."

a Tajikistani tale

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Once, Ependi went to the bathhouse with Timur.

"How much do you think I would be worth if I were an ordinary person?" Timur asked Ependi.

"Fifty tanga," replied Ependi without hesitation.

"Hey, fool! What are you talking about? The clothing on my shoulders alone is worth fifty tanga!" Timur shouted at him in anger.

But Ependi, as if nothing happened, said:

"To tell the truth, I was only estimating the value of your clothing."

a Turkmenian tale

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In the madrasa, little Afandi asked his teacher tricky questions. Many of them, the teacher simply couldn't answer.

"Don't brag about your knowledge," the teacher scolded. "Most of the time, sharp-minded children grow up to be complete idiots."

"So you, dear teacher, were probably very smart in your childhood," Afandi retorted.

an Uzbekistani tale

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One day, Molla Nasreddin got married. He married a woman who was lame, one-eyed, toothless, bald, and hunchbacked. One of his friends, who knew this woman well, asked:

"Molla, why did you marry such a hideous woman? She is limping!"

"It's better this way," replied Molla. "She'll go out less and stay at home more."

"But she can only see with one eye."

"And that's also a good thing," Molla said. "No matter what I do, she'll only see it halfway."

"She doesn't have any teeth!"

"Well, there's nothing to eat at home, so it will be easier for her."

"And what about her baldness?"

"That’s great, because otherwise, where would I get money for hair color every week?"

"But Molla, she's hunchbacked!"

"Ah, you are so shameless! Do you want her to have no flaws at all?"

an Azerbaijani tale

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Nasreddin was walking behind the coffin of a wealthy man, crying loudly. Someone approached him to console him and asked:

“Is the deceased your relative?”

“No," Nasreddin replied, "That's why I'm crying: because he wasn't my relative."

a Persian tale

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One day, Molla was eating raisins. A friend approached him and asked:

"Molla, what are you eating?"

"Just...," Molla replied.

"So, what do you mean by 'just'? What kind of answer is that?"

"I speak concisely."

"So, what do you mean by concisely?"

"You ask me what I'm eating. I'll say, 'Raisins.' You'll say, 'Give me some.' I'll say, 'I won't give any.' You'll ask, 'Why?' and I'll answer, 'Just...'. That's why I say 'Just...' in advance."

an Azerbaijani tale

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Once, when Nisart was heading home, a heavy rain started. There was an inn nearby, so Nisart entered to wait out the bad weather. The inn was warm and smelled of kebabs.

When the rain stopped, Nisart headed for the exit, but the innkeeper stopped him:

"Why are you leaving? Pay first!"

"What should I pay for?" Nisart wondered.

"What do you mean, 'what for?'" said the innkeeper. "Haven't you been breathing in the delicious smell of the food?"

"It does smell delicious, but I haven't seen it, nor have I eaten it!"

"Still, pay the money. You shouldn't be breathing in the smell of my kebabs for free!" The innkeeper persisted.

Seeing that he couldn't argue with the innkeeper, Nisart said:

"Fine, I'll pay you, but let me go get the money first."

He went home, took the money, and returned to the inn. The innkeeper was waiting for him:

"Did you bring the money?"

"I did," Nisart replied. He reached into his pocket and the coins jingled.

"Do you hear how the coins are jingling?"

"I hear it."

"Now we're even. I smelled your kebabs, and you heard my money jingle," Nisart said and left the inn.

a Chechenian tale

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One night, in the darkness, Afandi noticed a thief in his house. The thief was meticulously searching for something to steal. Afandi, who was watching, took pity on him:

"You try in vain! Even during the day when it's light, I can't find anything worthwhile in my own house. And here you are, trying to find it in someone else's house, and in the dark!"

an Uigurian tale

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Molla had an acquaintance who disrespected his elders and insulted people. No reprimands had any effect on him.

"What can I do?" the arrogant man would say. "It's just the kind of dough I'm made of."

"It's not about the dough," Molla said, "but how it's kneaded. And the dough you're made from was kneaded poorly."

an Azerbaijani tale

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A neighbor came to Nasreddin and said:

"Your dog bit my wife's leg. You'll have to pay a fine."

"You can't demand a ransom," Nasreddin replied, "for something that can be compensated. Send your wife, and I’ll let her bite my dog's leg."

a Persian tale

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One day, Hodja saw ducks splashing in a spring. When he rushed to catch them, the ducks flew away. Hodja sat by the spring and, dipping bread into the water, began to eat. Someone said to him:

"Enjoy your meal, Hodja! What are you eating?"

"Duck soup," Hodja replied.

a Turkish tale

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Once, a renowned philosopher and debate enthusiast arrived in the town.

"Who is your most educated person?" he asked the locals. They pointed him to Ependi. The philosopher declared:

"Ependi, I have forty questions for you, and you must answer them all in a way that clarifies everything for me."

"Very well, go ahead," Ependi calmly replied. After carefully listening to all the questions, he answered:

"I don't know."

With this one response, he defeated his opponent.

a Turkmenian tale

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One day, someone asked Hodja:

"Where is your nose?"

Hodja pointed to a nerve knot on the back of his head.

"Hodja," they said, "you're actually pointing to the opposite place."

"Ah," Hodja said. "You see, until the antithesis is understood, the thesis won't be defined."

a Turkish tale

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Three merchants arrived in a kingdom and stayed in the palace of the ruler. During an audience, they asked the ruler three questions. The ruler couldn't answer them, so he called on all the nobles and courtwise scholars for help, but none of them could answer the merchants' questions.

"Is there no wise person in the entire kingdom?" the ruler exclaimed in anger.

"Only Hodja Nasreddin can answer these questions," someone said.

They brought Hodja to the ruler.

“Where is the center of the Earth?" one of the merchants asked.

“It's right there," Hodja replied without hesitation, "where my donkey's right foot stands."

“How will you prove that?" the merchant demanded.

“Measure the land in all four directions from my donkey's foot, and if I'm off by even a centimeter, meaning the foot isn't in the center, I'll take responsibility," Hodja declared.

“How many stars are there in the sky?" asked the second merchant after a general silence.

“The exact number of stars there are," Hodja replied, "is equal to the number of hairs on my donkey's hide."

“How will you prove that?" the merchant inquired.

“If you don't believe me," Hodja said, "then count them and compare!"

“How many hairs are there in my beard?" asked the third merchant.

“The number of hairs in your beard," Hodja replied, "is exactly the same as the number of hairs at the tip of my donkey's tail."

“If you want to confirm the accuracy of my words, let's do this: you pull out one hair from your beard, and I'll pull out one from my donkey's tail."

an Uigurian tale

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One day, Ependi was asked:

"Molla-aga, when they carry a corpse to the cemetery for burial, where is the best place to walk—in front of the coffin or behind it?"

"Anywhere, just not inside it," Ependi replied.

a Turkmenian tale

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One of Timur's military commanders faced frequent failures in battles. He came to Hodja and pleaded:

"They say you're a wise man and know everything. Help me."

"What can I do for a military commander like you?" Hodja asked. "I have nothing to do with military affairs."

"Please, give me advice on how to win battles."

"Oh, it's very simple, actually. Don't let the enemy see your behind."

an Uzbekistani tale

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Nasreddin was reading a prayer from a minaret. At that moment, a slave at the base of the minaret exclaimed:

"Oh God! What does a thousand years mean in your eyes?"

"My servant," Nasreddin replied, "it's just one second."

"What does a thousand dinars mean in your eyes?" continued the slave.

"My servant," Nasreddin replied on behalf of God again, "it's just one dinar."

"Then, give me that dinar," he pleaded.

"Wait a second."

a Persian tale

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A son asked Nasreddin:

"Why does a camel have such a long neck?"

"You see, my son," Nasreddin answered, "the camel's head is placed quite far from its body. Allah, in his wisdom, gave it a long neck to bridge the gap."

a Persian tale

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Hodja and his friend came to Konya. His friend, who had never seen minarets before, was amazed:

"How are these made?"

"You don't know?" Hodja remarked. "Oh, dear! It's very simple: they just dig a well and then turn it inside out."

a Turkish tale

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Once, Molla found himself without any money. No matter how hard he tried to earn a living, he had no luck. Losing all hope, he walked sorrowfully through the bazaar and suddenly saw a hunter selling two live hares. He was delighted, approached the hunter, and bought both hares for his last few coins. He brought them home, and his wife asked:

"What is this?"

"Quiet, wife!" Molla replied. "This is a trap for money. Today, with its help, I'll trick the city's ruler."

"How?" she asked.

"Look! I'll tie one hare here. You'll prepare a nice pilaf, bring one or two ripe melons from our garden, and keep everything ready. After that, it's not your concern."

His wife began to prepare the pilaf, while Molla tied one hare to a post in their room and took the other one with him as he went straight to the city's ruler.

After greeting him, Molla said:

"Dear ruler, I have a fine hare. I've trained it for several years, and now, honestly, I'm in dire straits, so I need to sell it. However, I don't want it to go to a bad person. That's why I've brought it to you. If you want it, buy it."

The ruler looked at the hare and asked:

"So, how have you trained it?"

"It understands everything I say, and then it goes and reports to my wife."

The ruler didn't believe it.

"It can't be."

"It's easy to check," Molla said. "Shall we do it right now?"

The ruler agreed.

Molla bent down and whispered into the hare's ear:

"Go home, tell my wife to prepare a good pilaf, and buy one or two melons. We'll be home shortly."

After saying this, Molla released the hare, and it ran away.

They talked for a while, and Molla suggested:

"Let's get up and go."

The ruler and Molla came to Molla's home and saw that the pilaf was already on the stove, melons were in the corner, and the hare was tied to a post.

Molla, nodding at the hare, asked his wife:

"Wife, has the hare arrived?"

She immediately understood the situation and replied:

"It has. And I've done everything you told me."

"For how much are you selling your hare?" the ruler asked.

They haggled for a long time, and Molla eventually sold the hare for a high price. But the ruler wanted to give the hare an order immediately. He untied the hare and whispered in its ear:

"Go to my house right now and tell my wife to prepare something delicious. We'll be back with Molla in the evening."

As nightfall came, Molla pondered how he would get out of the situation. They arrived at the ruler's house and saw that his wife was in the garden with her servants.

"Wife," the ruler asked, "did the hare come?"

"What hare?" his wife exclaimed. "What are you talking about?"

"What? Didn't the hare come to you and tell you that we'd be back with Molla tonight?"

The ruler's wife reacted hastily, thinking her husband had gone mad.

"What hare? Are you feeling unwell?"

The ruler told her everything.

"Oh, how unfortunate!" she exclaimed. "What an amazing hare we missed out on! If we had such a hare that could swiftly pass on my words to you and your words to me, all the women would envy me! Where did you lose it?"

"I sent it home to tell you to prepare something delicious," the ruler replied.

They argued, and Molla kept thinking about how to extricate himself. The ruler noticed that Molla seemed lost in thought, and he had doubts. He asked:

"So, Molla, tell me, where is this hare now?"

His wife immediately interrupted her husband:

"What if the hare didn't recognize our house and went somewhere else?"

Her words inspired Molla with a fortunate idea.

"My Lord!" Molla swiftly responded, "Did you tell the hare how to find your house?"

“No, I didn’t think of that,” said the ruler.

“What a fool you are!” said the wife. “He must be still running out there, searching for our house”.

an Azerbaijani tale

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Once, someone gave Timur a donkey, while Molla had run out of money by that time. Timur said to Molla:

"Why are you silent, Molla? Why don’t you praise this donkey, like the rest of my court? Perhaps this donkey has a special talent?"

Molla promptly replied:

"Why not? This donkey is very smart. If you give him to me, I'll teach him to speak, read, and recite the wisdom of the elders."

"Very well, I'll give him to you. Tell me your conditions."

"My conditions are somewhat expensive," Molla replied. "This time, the task is very difficult. You must give me a twenty-year term, and for each day, pay me one gold piece."

Timur agreed. Molla calculated how much gold he was owed for twenty years and, after receiving it in full, brought the donkey home. When his wife saw that Molla had returned with a donkey once again, she asked:

"What's this?"

Molla told his wife everything.

"Have you gone stupid or lost your mind?" his wife exclaimed. "Can a donkey really speak? Let alone read or recite the wisdom of the elders?!"

"Wife," Molla retorted, "Listen to me! Take the money and buy whatever you need. God is merciful! Twenty years is a long time! Over these years, someone will certainly die: either myself, the donkey or Timur!"

an Azerbaijani tale

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(“Nasreddin in the rain” by Medi Belortaja, taken from here.)

I hope some of these made you smile. Or ponder. Or both. The next letter will be about the Wonders of the World, ancient and modern. Subscribe.

Best,

K.

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